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Feel more in control of your life


If you feel that you are an observer of your life, where things just happen, leaving you feeling you are not in control that can be because you are not taking active part in forming your life and are living unconsciously. That may sound a bit vague and maybe even harsh, so let me explain. The difference between conscious and unconscious living is when we recognise when we are responding to a situation rather than reacting. It may sound like not much, but it is huge. Once you recognise what you are doing any why, you can then change to doing what you want and why. Simple, right? this is where all the work is, and I promise you it's worth it. Feeling in control of your life rather than a passive observer is empowering.


Unconscious living includes acting out of fear, transference, acting out anger, trauma, learned behaviours, survival mechanisms. A lot of this might be set up by us as a way of protection, and others behaviours are about how we do things out of habit.


Today I will talk about fear. This is a massive area, but I will cover some of it. Fear is a healthy emotion and is there to protect us from harm. But sometimes that healthy fear can be stuck in obsolete mechanisms connected to a past experience that is no longer happening and we are just left with that automatic reaction. If left unchecked it can get in the way of relationships, day-to-day living as well as fulfilling our potential.


To help navigate through this we can ask ourselves where we notice we are held back. What things do we wish we could do differently. Have we our friends and partners noticed something? What do I mean by that? So, for example have we noticed we might avoid certain situations and are not sure why? Not able to commit to plans ahead, or not wanting to say when things have upset us, or taking to long to leave the house, or not able to show affection (verbal or physical), not able to admit mistakes, not able to make mistakes, striving for perfection, not able to set boundaries, or setting to rigid or too many boundaries.


If you can locate that fear, that is the beginning of moving from the unconscious living to the conscious living. Try and see what it's about, and in many cases it could do with something in the past that was very painful but is no longer there. The part of our selves that was harmed might need healing. The aim of this is to get to the point of being able to trust in your self that no matter what you will be able to handle it, that it won't consume you and you no longer need that kind of "protection" - it is obsolete now . This can make you feel stronger and in charge, because you are making your own decisions now about a certain part of your life, not governed by unconscious fears that keep you in the passive observer's seat.


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